Authority and Neglect
You said something to the affect of
Life isn't something that happens to us, but what we do to it.
And the impression I got was that if I want purpose I should go out and make it rather than wait for it to make me, that life doesn't owe me meaning.
And if we were just talking about our personal lives, or our jobs, our government, or our church failing to give us meaning, I'd totally agree with you. But we're not. We believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth. He is why G=g(m1*m2)/(r^2). He's the One that decided just how fast the speed of light was going to be. He, in particular, picked the distance our continents would be from each other. He's the author of each hair on my head.
With authorship comes both authority and responsibility. Consider The Parable of the Talents; in which the servant who doesn't maximize his capital investment is sent to "[a place where] there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.", verse 30. God sends this (hypothetical) person to Hell for not investing.
The pressure is on me, the servant, to find a way to invest my talents. But who bears the pressure of making a market in which servants can turn a profit? What of servants who make bad investments? How should we judge a God who buries his children in the ground rather than trading him?
There are a lot of responses to that heresy, I suppose. You could say "We shouldn't judge Him", or "We aren't buried since He gave us talents", but one of the talents He gave me was to judge Him. I don't presume that judgement to have any sort of power over Him, but how is it sensible for Him to make me capable of questioning Him, saying He values me, and expecting me not to question Him?
I guess it's just an updated Fruit of Eden. He gave us Fruit, Teeth, and Punishment for putting the two together. But we are also going to be Punished for not putting things together. We are literally Damned if we do and Damned if we don't.
I'd like to remind readers that I know I am saved even if I can't make sense of this. I am not worried about the sufficiency of Christ's sacrifice- I know it's enough. I still think it's worth trying to figure out just what God is playing at here.
In summary, I still feel I am owed a Purpose. It's unnecessarily cruel of God to make us suffer Life without giving that life meaning. It shouldn't be this hard or ambiguous to figure what I should do with these talents. I am willing to risk it for Him, I just want some Guidance.
I wonder if God has these feelings too. I wonder if God ever regrets being created, as I do. I wonder if He neglects us for how we've neglected Him, and if He cares that there's no end to that tit for tat. Does that even make sense for someone who wasn't created? A concept which, itself doesn't make sense. Why give us the burden of a Desire for sense in a fundamentally senseless world?
Glad I can air these thoughts without being stoned or otherwise persecuted. Hope I haven't offended. I seek only Truth and a deeper, more meaningful Love for my Creator.